


Fearless

by sapphirehynbn



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Friends to Lovers, Homophobia, Internalized Homophobia, Love Confessions, M/M, Self-Indulgent, a bit of an angst but it's happy ending i promise, also i wrote this at 2 am aha ha ha, i don't know how to tag fics this is my first fic please have mercy on me, mention of reincarnation, predebut, they're just teenagers afraid of the world
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-28
Updated: 2020-07-28
Packaged: 2021-03-06 06:08:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,452
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25568752
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sapphirehynbn/pseuds/sapphirehynbn
Summary: Changbin and Hyunjin talked about reincarnations that somehow leads into them having a conversation with no words needed.orWhen Changbin and Hyunjin decided that they won't cave into their fear and instead, be fearless for a split second.
Relationships: Hwang Hyunjin & Seo Changbin, Hwang Hyunjin/Seo Changbin
Comments: 4
Kudos: 47





	Fearless

**Author's Note:**

> This work is beta-ed by me and i'm not a native speaker so if I have any grammar mistakes, pls have mercy on me :(

"Do you believe in being born again?" Hyunjin asked that one time, his feet dangling over the bridge of the riverbank as he sat by the wooden bridge. The movement of his legs created ripples that Changbin found too fascinating to ignore that he didn't catch Hyunjin's question at first.

They were having a small trip to the countryside, both of them decided to have some time for themselves on the weekend without the hecticness of Seoul city around them. Just two teenage boys, enjoying the crisp air of nature and the chirping of birds that deemed impossible to get within their wide practice rooms. Changbin sighed, "I don't know. must've been nice though, I would be able to live again and explore life in a different way." his answer earned a hum from the other boy and Changbin spared a glance at him from the river's reflection. Hyunjin's face was distorted on the water's surface, but even then he noticed that the boy was frowning. "What's with the face, though? Is my answer not fancy enough?"

There was a slight smile on Hyunjin's lips upon hearing that, "No. that's somehow expected from you. you're easy to read." And before Changbin got a chance to protest, he continued, "I also like the answer a lot. I've been thinking about it lately."

"What? Reincarnation?"

Hyunjin nodded before turning up to see him, the downcast look on his eyes caught Changbin off guard. "What the both of us would be if we got reincarnated, to be exact." he then motioned the elder to sit beside him, "Won't you think it would be nice if we got reincarnated as opposite sexes?"

Changbin somehow knew which way the conversation would go from there as he made himself comfortable, taking off his shoes and socks before joining Hyunjin on the bridge. His feet were too short to touch the water surface as they dangled right beside Hyunjin's, but Hyunjin didn't say any comments regarding it. They were in for some deep talk today, Changbin noticed.

"And why would you think we should get reincarnated as opposite sexes?" Changbin slowly asked, gaze trained to the boy beside him. The question sounded dull, even to his own ear like he himself didn’t know why he asked it since he knew the answer to it already.

He knew everything that this world was way too harsh for him to live in. For a boy who liked a boy. There were far too many fear mongering inside of his mind that he couldn't even imagine his life doing exact the thing he wanted most. From when he realized it for the first time his heart beats faster when a stranger of a man helped him, he has willed himself to not think about it, to imagine it or even dream about it because he believed that if the thought wasn't something he produced, It would be easy to extinguish it. Whenever those feelings started to come, he tried his best to push it to the back of his mind, onto the darkest part that he almost forgot how did the feeling went.

Almost.

Changbin knew, however, that he couldn't erase a part of him when he saw Hyunjin for the very first time. Maybe it was the way the boy introduced himself, maybe it was the fire in his eyes whenever he practiced, maybe it was the sheer passion and willpower that he emitted when someone underestimated him. Or maybe it was the way he would laugh at Changbin's unfunny jokes that made the both of them opening up to each other, maybe it was the way Hyunjin trusted him to share his concerns and deep thoughts at him. Whatever that was, Changbin was enamoured. Spellbound with the thought of Hyunjin.

It was once a feeling he used to hate, liking someone else was. But with Hyunjin it came so naturally that he didn't feel like he needed to push those thoughts away. Liking Hyunjin felt like dipping your feet into the river and started walking towards the middle but before you even realized it, you're already chest deep into the water. He didn't feel like he was being someone else he didn't want, he felt like he was exactly where he was supposed to be. 

The realization hit Changbin when he saw the boy cried for the very first time when one of the trainee he was close with was no longer accepted as the trainee. He still remembered the feeling of Hyunjin’s muffled sobs against his chest as he clutched onto Changbin’s hoodie tightly with no thought of letting go on the practice room’s floor past midnight. As he gently patted Hyunjin’s damp hair from practicing, he discovered his feelings for him. He wanted to protect him, he wanted nothing but happiness to grace Hyunjin’s feature and if that wasn’t realistically possible, he wanted to be someone that Hyunjin came to when he had the world weighed too heavy for his shoulder. For the first time, Changbin didn’t run away from his own feelings, instead he treasured them.

But the world didn't work that way. The world would do whatever it took to try and rip his heart into pieces, there was no way the world would let him be who he wanted to be. No way of letting Changbin love who he wanted to love. The world was a scary place for him, so cruel and evil, yet he found himself powerless to fight it. No, the world didn't work that way for people like him. and by the somber look in Hyunjin's eyes when he asked that question, the world didn't work for him, too.

Changbin put his hand over the younger, trying his best to reassure both Hyunjin and himself in the process. There was a soft, sad smile on Hyunjin's lips because of that. All of their memories together oozing slowly in Changbin’s mind, the lingering touches, the cuddles they had under the blanket when they had sleepovers, the longing, speechless gazes they shared. 

Both of them were still unsure of anything, scared of the world around them, but on this wooden bridge over the riverbank whose water has gone calm again, Changbin wanted to try being fearless for the very first time.

"Hyung." Hyunjin whispered, his voice fragile as his eyes darted to Changbin's lips and to his eyes. "Kiss me "

It was his last push for him to be brave. He leaned in, his lips finding home in Hyunjin's almost immediately and his free hand held Hyunjin's jaw softly. Neither of them knew exactly what they were doing, but that didn't make the kiss even less meaningful. Because it didn't matter that their lips were barely moving against each other at first, what mattered was the way their lips finally touched, after all the long wait and unsure glances. That was all that Changbin could think about, those lips that he'd even afraid of dreaming to kiss was now a piece of his reality that served as a small act that made him realized that he had accepted himself, fully, wholly. For that small moment, Changbin never felt more sure of anything in his life, that Hwang Hyunjin had all of his beating heart on his palm and Hyunjin’s on his. 

It was beautiful, all the self acceptance of them made him smile into the kiss. Hyunjin did the same.

They stayed there for a couple heartbeat until Changbin pulled back, their foreheads touching one another as their eyes still closed, Hyunjin's hand joining Changbin's on the nape of his neck. Neither of them said a word for a while, a comfortable silence engulfing them until Hyunjin croaked out, "I thought I need to wait for that reincarnation for it to happen."

Changbin breathed out a laugh, "I never even dreamed of doing that, I was too scared."

Changbin knew that it didn't solve anything that could soothe their fear towards the world for people like them, but when he opened his eyes and found Hyunjin staring back at him with a shy smile and red cheeks, he found himself getting braver, albeit only a little bit.

At least by know they'd know that they wouldn't need reincarnation to share a kiss, that they were fearless enough to do it under the shade of the trees on the wooden bridge over the riverbank. A single moment of them giving their middle finger to the world, albeit with quivering and hidden hands. But even then, they accepted themselves despite their fear. 

And so, when they shared yet another kiss after that, Changbin thought that it was what it meant to be fearless, after all.

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! Thank you for reading until this far hehe :D this is not supposed to be my debut fic in this app, but I couldn't resist to type out Hyunjin asking Changbin about reincarnations at 2 am at night and it just became this vomit of a word lmao
> 
> I still have one more changjin fic that I haven't finished yet and i'm not sure when I'll be finishing it since it's going to be long, but please look forward to that one, too!
> 
> Thank you once again for reading!


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